status & mood

Christopher Moore
Christopher MooreGuy in seat 4A had a roll of Mentos & a Diet Coke, so we beat him. He's all:That's not a roll of Mentos! Lying bus terrorists!Posted at 4:08 AM Dec 29, 2009 from Ping.fm
Mood: (none)
  • SuRFerretti
    SuRFerretti Posted at 10:50 PM Dec 29, 2009
    Once the TSA gets through with this, it will probably be quicker to take the Greyhound or Amtrak!
  • Tontileo
    Tontileo Posted at 1:34 PM Dec 29, 2009
    You are killing me!!!! Bwah ha ha!!!
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Christopher MoorePeople I wish had a tail: Shakira, Beyoncé, Obama, The Pope, and Tiger Woods, but only if he does that bouncy Tigger speech.
Posted at 12:29 AM Dec 26, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • Sarah
    Sarah Posted at 7:52 PM Dec 28, 2009
    The last time I had a tail I was joined with my cat guardian spirit. He tried to convince me that if we jumped off the pedestrian bridge that we would land on our feet. I told him that humans don't play that game. He was disappointed, but I'm still alive :P
  • Still Elegant
    Still Elegant Posted at 4:36 PM Dec 26, 2009
    The last time I had a tail, Satan was mowing my lawn. The time before, I lost my tail - I think it was the DEA.
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Christopher MooreHaving seen Avatar, I now kinda wish Barack Obama had a tail. A lot to ask, I know, but cool. First president with a tail!
Posted at 12:25 AM Dec 26, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • Johnny Cartoon
    Johnny Cartoon Posted at 2:16 AM Dec 26, 2009
    wow! $12.30? wtf happend to $7.00 matinee, and $9.00 late show?
  • Christopher Moore
    Christopher Moore Posted at 12:38 AM Dec 26, 2009
    I don't even know how to rate it. It's got it's own scale. Really. You keep going, "Shit, I've never seen anything like that before." That gives you a lot of rating points. As an experience, I was thinking, "Okay, $12.30 isn't really that much to pay to see a movie." I've never had that thought before either.
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Christopher MooreWatched Bad Santa & Grinch (Karloff) tonight. Fave a toss up between "roast beast" and "F*ck me, Santa, F*ck me, Santa"
Posted at 8:09 AM Dec 24, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • Riverside
    Riverside Posted at 4:08 AM Dec 25, 2009
    Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics is to Bad Santa what Dark Side of the Moon is to The Wizard of Oz
  • Joni
    Joni Posted at 2:07 AM Dec 25, 2009
    Def. the latter. Cracks me up every time.
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Christopher MooreI opened the little door on my advent calendar today and a fucking rat jumped out. Fucking Chinatown 99 cent store.
Posted at 4:53 AM Dec 24, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • Joanna Satana
    Joanna Satana Posted at 8:05 AM Dec 24, 2009
    bonus!
  • Die Guten
    Die Guten Posted at 7:57 AM Dec 24, 2009
    Thats right.catch it,cokk it.enjoy it!It's a healthy Meal!Frohe Weihnachten from the Rhine River!
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Christopher MooreRiverdance is playing here Xmas Eve. If I want to see white people stomping and unable to move their hips I'll go to a Tea Party Rally.
Posted at 8:27 PM Dec 23, 2009 from Ping.fm
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Christopher MooreFool, live on stage audio: http://lnk.ms/50k4K
Posted at 7:20 PM Dec 23, 2009
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Christopher MooreChristmas Present:The Author Guy & the Shakespeare Theater of NJ do Fool, Live on Stage : http://lnk.ms/3ZKMp
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Posted at 6:44 PM Dec 23, 2009 from Ping.fm
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Christopher MooreI've accidentally watched part of 2 Lifetime Xmas movies in the last 2 days. Couldn't look away. Now I want to pistol-whip a reindeer.
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Posted at 1:50 AM Dec 21, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • Jackie
    Jackie Posted at 3:53 PM Dec 23, 2009
    hey happy holidays! I made $799 this week in time for 2010 read this new article on making money onn the computer, goto: NBCNews55 [dot] com
  • The Happy Buttercup aka April
    The Happy Buttercup aka April Posted at 1:51 AM Dec 23, 2009
    Just not Rudolph. Everyone will get lost, and I need my coal.
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Christopher MooreAuschwitz sign stolen. Cheney rec room remodel coming along swimmingly. http://lnk.ms/3VYR0
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Posted at 5:06 PM Dec 18, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • Rhonda, Really
    Rhonda, Really Posted at 2:00 PM Dec 20, 2009
    haha. Mel Gibson is the interior designer. He is able to capture the true essence of a soulless homeowner. Never assure that's an easy task. I wonder what they decided to do with the stuffed and mounted hunting buddy collection.
  • Michael
    Michael Posted at 4:18 AM Dec 19, 2009
    I thought Mel Gibson was on the wagon!!
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Christopher MooreIraquis hack Predator Drones. Iranians hack Twitter. Afghanistan said to be on the verge of discovering fire. It's been a big week.
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Posted at 4:55 PM Dec 18, 2009 from Ping.fm
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Christopher MooreIranians hack Twitter. Hold world dominance over irrelevance for simply hours. http://lnk.ms/4wwN7
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Posted at 4:39 PM Dec 18, 2009 from Ping.fm
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Christopher MooreIraquis hack U.S. Predator Drones "We are totally going to pown in Team Fortress, bitches!" Cautious nerds board up basement lair windows.
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Posted at 4:28 PM Dec 18, 2009 from Ping.fm
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Christopher MooreMinneapolis to Copenhagen climate protesters: "Hey, blow me! It's like zero here and it's not even Christmas."
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Posted at 6:10 PM Dec 16, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • Posted at 7:09 AM Dec 18, 2009
    I am with Boomer Ken - San Diego!!! PLEEEEEASE???
  • Boomer Ken
    Boomer Ken Posted at 10:41 PM Dec 17, 2009
    Christopher..........I keep telling you.......San Diego!!!! C'mon man........make it a christmas miracle for me!!!
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Christopher MooreCopenhagen: Hundreds of climate protesters turn out to just be people with umbrellas. Police pepper spray anyway. AWKWARD!
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Posted at 6:04 PM Dec 16, 2009 from Ping.fm
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Christopher MooreCopenhagen: Climate protesters Riot:"We want it to rain inside IKEA!"
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Posted at 6:02 PM Dec 16, 2009 from Ping.fm
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Christopher MooreCopenhagen: Police battle Climate Protesters. 100s Forced to take off their sweaters.
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Posted at 5:58 PM Dec 16, 2009 from Ping.fm
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Christopher MooreIs it wrong that I feel all special when the GPS lady says, "You have Arrived" ?
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Posted at 10:34 PM Dec 14, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • Still Elegant
    Still Elegant Posted at 11:23 PM Dec 15, 2009
    Is it wrong that I sold my GPS lady for some crack so I could watch Gladiator movies, naked with Lars? Oh by the way Acacia Spam. You eat the fat end of shit.
  • SuzQz
    SuzQz Posted at 9:36 PM Dec 15, 2009
    LOL-My GPS voice is a man with an accent, so yes it is okay to feel special..It means "we" didn't get lost..
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Christopher Moorehttp://lnk.ms/3Qxc6 This is totally going to simplify things for the 3 wise men. "Dude, Google map Bethlehem!"
Mood:(none)
Posted at 8:52 PM Dec 13, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • Heart's Darkness (The Chameleon Boy)
    Heart's Darkness (The Chameleon Boy) Posted at 4:03 AM Dec 14, 2009
    lol Lamb, that book still makes me laugh. Biff was a doof but a smart one. "Thanks for the directions man, Google earth rocks..."
  • Absinthe-Minded
    Absinthe-Minded Posted at 1:02 AM Dec 14, 2009
    Go through desert. Turn left at camel dung. Continue walking. At fake oasis,stay straight.At actual oasis,turn right.Look for star.Should be upper right.Continue.When smell of animal is greater than people.Look up.Star should be directly overhead.You have arrived.
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Christopher MooreStrangely enough, if Google is God, it will not change my Christmas plans at all. http://lnk.ms/3QdDG
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Posted at 9:14 AM Dec 13, 2009 from Ping.fm
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Christopher MooreWin awesome Author Guy crap! http://lnk.ms/3Nc8X
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Posted at 8:50 PM Dec 10, 2009 from Ping.fm
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Christopher MooreTiger Tiger burning bright. Like a man-ho in the night. One fierce match which no man wins. It is to marry Swedish twins.
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Posted at 12:31 AM Dec 9, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • Michael
    Michael Posted at 5:30 PM Dec 10, 2009
    Beautiful. Nobody references William Blake anymore.
  • Busy Evolving
    Busy Evolving Posted at 3:26 PM Dec 9, 2009
    hehehehehehehehahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
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Christopher MooreJapanese Pilot Recalls Pearl Harbor:"They were all:'Just fly your plane right into the ship'. I was all:'Ninja Please!'"
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Posted at 12:21 AM Dec 8, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • Whitney
    Whitney Posted at 3:29 PM Dec 8, 2009
    balls
  • Blake
    Blake Posted at 1:37 PM Dec 8, 2009
    You're a genious, sir. Very few people can actually make me "lol"
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Christopher MooreSurvivors recall Pearl Harbor Attack: "Well that sucked."
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Posted at 12:14 AM Dec 8, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • entropy
    entropy Posted at 12:16 AM Dec 8, 2009
    understatement of the day...?
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Christopher MooreSo, Zhu Zhu hamster is contaminated with antimony. A chemical?I thought that was just an emotion Glenn Beck inspired in me.
Mood:(none)
Posted at 8:44 PM Dec 7, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • Still Elegant
    Still Elegant Posted at 11:27 PM Dec 7, 2009
    I'm not sure I got this story right. I mean to say, what was Glen Beck doing with Zhu Zhu hamster that contaminated the poor rodent.
  • The Logic Bubble
    The Logic Bubble Posted at 9:05 PM Dec 7, 2009
    antipathy/antimony...you say tomato I say nasty red squishy thing
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Christopher MoorePlease, please, please, please, no more stories about Tiger's Wood. It's not news. It's golf. Irrelevance is THE POINT.
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Posted at 7:39 AM Dec 6, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • Jess
    Jess Posted at 3:22 AM Dec 7, 2009
    multiple holes in one?
  • alan
    alan Posted at 2:47 AM Dec 7, 2009
    It's not even golf, is it..?
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Christopher MooreGirlfriend is taking me to see The Nutcracker next week. Cool! I love Monster Trucks!
Mood:(none)
Posted at 6:22 PM Dec 5, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • Rich
    Rich Posted at 6:34 AM Dec 6, 2009
    didn't he beat "maverick" in 2001?...or was that Gravedigger? ;-(
  • Still Elegant
    Still Elegant Posted at 12:08 AM Dec 6, 2009
    the only payload you'll be seeing are those in leotards Maybe he calls it his "Monster Truck" though - let me know - it's so fucking hard to learn stuff anymore stuck in this space craft....
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Christopher MooreNow, with the climate change e-mail scandal I don't know whether to take a sweater or not! You bastards!
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Posted at 6:10 PM Dec 5, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • Salomé
    Salomé Posted at 6:15 PM Dec 5, 2009
    I like your posts. They make me laugh!
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Christopher MooreI butt-dial you-cancel before you answer. You call back, leave message. Do I call to say I didn't mean to call you? Etiquette?
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Posted at 1:02 AM Dec 5, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • Rose
    Rose Posted at 4:37 PM Dec 5, 2009
    A simple text that your ass wanted to have a conversation would probably suffice.
  • Stephanie
    Stephanie Posted at 4:33 PM Dec 5, 2009
    definitely. i'd go so far to say that total disclosure is best, "my ass dialed your number. sorry!"
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Christopher MooreYears of Googling and I realize. I'm never feeling lucky. There should be a "whatever" button.
Mood:(none)
Posted at 5:47 PM Dec 3, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • Theresa Lee
    Theresa Lee Posted at 5:07 PM Dec 4, 2009
    Or one that says "Huh?" if you get a bad search result.
  • Denise
    Denise Posted at 10:54 AM Dec 4, 2009
    LOL! I agree! :)
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Christopher MooreIs it just me, or do the natives in Cameron's new Avatar movie look like tall, buff, Smurfs? Just saying...
Mood:(none)
Posted at 7:27 AM Dec 1, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • PEEP DUEL!!!!! I want to be the pink one
    PEEP DUEL!!!!! I want to be the pink one Posted at 8:55 PM Dec 2, 2009
    I think smurfs meets gremlins. That's why they never ate past midnight too.
  • Philon
    Philon Posted at 5:06 PM Dec 2, 2009
    i had this exact conversation with a friend just last week!
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Christopher MooreTurkey Sammich Haiku/My Turkey Sammich/ Sans Mayo, should be served with/ A side of Heimlich.
Mood:(none)
Posted at 7:46 PM Nov 29, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • Still Elegant
    Still Elegant Posted at 9:10 PM Nov 29, 2009
    The maneuver? Or Waffen SS General Heimlich. Say, aren't you too young to be cavorting with WWII war criminals?
  • BAD BREATH
    BAD BREATH Posted at 9:07 PM Nov 29, 2009
    Hi Kook! Way to stretch that turkey! Hope your Horridays are Happy! The Huffmans are in VA sans Moritas now. Look us up if you are in da hood. >:'(=
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Christopher MooreLeftover Cranberry Sauce Haiku/ Bitter Bitch Berry/ Hiding the aftertaste like/ Licking a hubcap.
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Posted at 7:41 PM Nov 29, 2009 from Ping.fm
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Christopher MooreTurns out that Black Friday is not the day we all get to be black.This Calendar Sucks. Changing plans for Take the Bitch to Work Day.
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Posted at 2:25 AM Nov 28, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • Monica Michele
    Monica Michele Posted at 10:06 PM Nov 28, 2009
    Ha!!!! thats awesome!
  • Kim
    Kim Posted at 4:23 PM Nov 28, 2009
    Wait a second...do we, or don't we get to take the bitch to work? 'Cause I've had my bitch lined up for weeks!
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Christopher MooreEnjoying Black Friday by having a sense of rhythm and resenting The Man. Tomorrow, back to being The Man. <Sigh >Still can't dance.
Mood:(none)
Posted at 12:38 AM Nov 28, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • Still Elegant
    Still Elegant Posted at 1:57 AM Nov 28, 2009
    I resented the man - even more when it turned out he was a woman.
  • SuRFerretti
    SuRFerretti Posted at 1:27 AM Nov 28, 2009
    Thanks for the chuckle!
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Christopher MooreI've decided that I, too, will pardon a turkey. But mine actually did some crimes.Drunk driving. I can't believe I gave him my keys.
Mood:(none)
Posted at 12:44 AM Nov 26, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • cindy
    cindy Posted at 8:11 PM Nov 27, 2009
    I pardoned my ex, the biggest turkey I know.
  • Hellagood Desserts
    Hellagood Desserts Posted at 7:08 PM Nov 27, 2009
    What did you do that for, you know a turkey behind the wheel always end badly.
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Christopher MooreSubtext:I command the mightiest military force to ever exist on the planet. That fact proceeds me.Bowing to a old guy doesn't dilute it.
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Posted at 1:19 AM Nov 18, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • cap10k
    cap10k Posted at 3:59 AM Nov 19, 2009
    Sounds like Heinous Fuckery Most Foul to me.
  • SuRFerretti
    SuRFerretti Posted at 3:16 AM Nov 19, 2009
    Damn, that was one short Japanese figurehead!
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Christopher MooreChristmas Zombies guest blog! http://lnk.ms/4QYGY
Mood:(none)
Posted at 6:41 PM Nov 12, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • Stephanie
    Stephanie Posted at 7:59 PM Nov 13, 2009
    Very Funny. Thank you.
  • Melissa
    Melissa Posted at 3:12 AM Nov 13, 2009
    THAT was HIGHLY amusing! LMAO!!! I'm dying to get that book now. Thank you!
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Christopher MooreBITE ME! The first two chapters of my new book, absolutely free: http://lnk.ms/2v4z6
Mood:(none)
Posted at 8:21 PM Nov 4, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • Ann Marie
    Ann Marie Posted at 3:17 PM Nov 10, 2009
    The story is dear to my heart, and speaks to my soul; the City I love, the scene I love, and vampire kitty. Literary perfection! BTW LOVED Fool. Brilliant!
  • Clownboy 2727
    Clownboy 2727 Posted at 1:09 PM Nov 10, 2009
    That edward dude can kiss my arse... Tommy and Jody are the coolest vamps period!!
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Christopher MooreShakespeare and The Author Guy in New Jersey: http://lnk.ms/2ZJcB
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Posted at 6:49 PM Oct 23, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • Still Elegant
    Still Elegant Posted at 8:00 PM Oct 23, 2009
    I thought Shakespeare was the "Author Guy?" Then, what would we call that Moore, guy? Merchant of Venice (Beach) no, he's still locked up. Um, Romeo's Fooliette? Naw, that's gay. How about we call him the "Maestro?" But, in Jersey? Okay, "Maestro Dude...how's that?
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Christopher MooreNew B&N e-reader is called the Nook.I will officially be making my living by selling Nooky. Tks loads 4 smackin dat metaphor's ass, B&N.
Mood:(none)
Posted at 5:29 AM Oct 21, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • Rhonda, Really
    Rhonda, Really Posted at 3:48 AM Oct 23, 2009
    Good for you!
  • cap10k
    cap10k Posted at 9:10 PM Oct 21, 2009
    LOL! How do I get a job like that and not get handcuffed... by the cops... at least not by male cops or ugly female cops?
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Christopher MooreI didn't have a choice when I was six. It was just the box. No cool spacecraft balloon. My parents suck.
Mood:(none)
Posted at 10:33 PM Oct 15, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • Rich
    Rich Posted at 3:58 PM Oct 20, 2009
    Ahaha...well we found out you can still make cnn in just the box
  • Debi
    Debi Posted at 12:28 PM Oct 16, 2009
    Mine sucked bigger! I had a 2 foot space behind the sofa against the wall so they didn't have to see me! They gave me a fake Barbie with one leg and an old broken telephone ... the bastards!
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Christopher MooreJust got an offer 4 degree in Hospitality Management. I almost always manage my hospitality. WHAT ABOUT MY ANGER, FUCKTARDS! Sorry.See?
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Posted at 4:26 PM Oct 12, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • Posted at 11:18 PM Oct 14, 2009
    Not whatever..but thanks to you, fucktards is my new favorite word..so thank you sooo much for giving that to me.
  • Jyn
    Jyn Posted at 11:26 AM Oct 14, 2009
    I strongly recommend an herbal supplement. Just sayin'.
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Christopher MooreATW: Jamming on L. Cheney's dog's shower card.One puppy 2 small on sonogram so Cesarean delivery. Need rhymes for "stitch" and "runt
Mood:(none)
Posted at 6:20 AM Oct 10, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • Raychel Tension
    Raychel Tension Posted at 1:03 AM Oct 12, 2009
    how about....witch...and...hunt...good ones, right??
  • Captain Custard
    Captain Custard Posted at 12:54 AM Oct 12, 2009
    Hmm.. if only my assistant manager's name rhymed with those.
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Christopher MooreAmericas Top Writer:quickwrite:rhyming couplets 4 invites to Liz Cheney's "If you can't join 'em, Lick 'em" dog's birth shower.
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Posted at 6:15 AM Oct 10, 2009 from Ping.fm
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Christopher MooreWhew.Didn't get sent home for the Ratbag MotherF**kin Puppy. L.K. Hamilton/D. Pinkwater's:"The Monster's No-No Place" won best kid story.
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Posted at 5:20 PM Oct 9, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • Captain Custard
    Captain Custard Posted at 9:40 PM Oct 9, 2009
    In all honesty you might have had a better shot going with a dingo over a puppy.
  • Thalia a.k.a A-R-I
    Thalia a.k.a A-R-I Posted at 6:32 PM Oct 9, 2009
    Huzzah?! :D D:
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Christopher MooreAmerica's Top Writer. Ellroy and I have finished our kid's story: That Ratbag MotherF**kin' Puppy.The Make-A-Wish kids will love it!
Mood:(none)
Posted at 5:38 AM Oct 9, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • Monica Michele
    Monica Michele Posted at 6:39 AM Oct 9, 2009
    I can't wait to read it!! :) will my 8 month old love it?? :)
  • Still Elegant
    Still Elegant Posted at 6:19 AM Oct 9, 2009
    Jesus! Sometimes they run out into traffic. or jump from their mama's lap while she's on the cell phone, drinking her coffee and doing her nails so FooFoo takes a dive out the Escalde window and becomes a new sort of spot on the freeway.
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Christopher MooreAmerica's Top Writer. I'm fucked.Divided into teams,we have to write a kid's story.My partner is James Ellroy.Snickett/Cabott will own.
Mood:(none)
Posted at 9:03 PM Oct 8, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • bookfeend
    bookfeend Posted at 4:13 AM Oct 9, 2009
    you will totally pwn them! hah. they don't have a chance against you!
  • J-0-E
    J-0-E Posted at 1:42 AM Oct 9, 2009
    hahahaha, come on. you can do it! lol
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Christopher MooreAmerica'sTop Writer quickwrite winner for Erotic Haiku:Elmore Leonard. Just as well. In elimination round everyone has to wear a thong.
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Posted at 8:01 PM Oct 7, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • Micki
    Micki Posted at 1:14 PM Oct 8, 2009
    weekends almost here! not trying to brag but i got paid $591 today :) if you wanna make some extra money read this article, open your web browser and type in: Tech5News .com
  • Captain Custard
    Captain Custard Posted at 2:13 AM Oct 8, 2009
    Look on the bright side Mr. M! Barbara Walters, Judge Judy, and Rosie O'Donnel probably won't be there.... Hopefully.
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Christopher MooreGah!First quickwrite on America's Top Writer have to write an Erotic Haiku 4 Bonnie Hunt's "Sorry I'm not a lesbian/Pumpkin carving" party
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Posted at 6:48 PM Oct 7, 2009 from Ping.fm
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  • My.sS
    My.sS Posted at 7:33 PM Oct 7, 2009
    very strange....
  • Still Elegant
    Still Elegant Posted at 7:05 PM Oct 7, 2009
    Of course you're not a lesbian, nor a bunny. Say, wait a minute...Aren't you that writer guy? Moses got the ten or fourteen commandments on stone tablets (he dropped a tablet) Are you expected to write you Haiku carved into a pumpkin? What about elimination of the feces, I mean, survival of the species?
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